Game Addiction Literally Kills.

I never thought that I would end up in a situation like this. Here I am standing and waiting anxiously for my death penalty. Beside me was a masked man who escorted me to a very unenlightened room. He appears to be quite a dark and heartless man. My mind was a total blank but at the same time, I felt like I was not ready for any of this to happen. I went up the ledge and the man placed the ropes all around my shoulder. I closed my eyes.

Back at home, I was the only child who only lived with my mother while my father was always out on a business trip. I only get to see him occasionally but never have I blamed him about how he has to work and could not find the time to spend time with me. I guess that somehow taught me how to grow up independently. I used to be the top student in my cohort and also the captain of the rugby team. It was my final year in Junior College. Scoring for examinations was a breeze and I was pretty much well liked by everyone in the school including the teachers. It may seem that I have quite a perfect life but there was one problem, I have an addiction towards gaming.

I would not even mind skipping meals just or staying up all night just to finish whatever I have to in the game. I was so confident with my studies that I started neglecting it. I started having anger management issues and started to become a hostile person. I suppose it was due to the lack of sleep I have almost every night. I started skipping school and eventually lost my position as a head prefect. Even when I turned up for school, I would end up snoring away in class or creating unnecessary trouble with the teachers.

Each time my mother took or hide my laptop away from me, I would start smashing the furniture and breaking every glass as if I was being possessed. Once, I even grabbed my mother by her shirt and threatened to hit her. She tried sending me to a counselor but that did not change a single thing. I gave my mother a lot of empty promises that I would change but that was just to keep her mouth shut.

It was Christmas Eve and my father was actually home to celebrate it with the family. It was dinner time and I was still glued on the chair gaming away. My father knew about this problem that I had but it seemed that he did not care. All he keeps saying to my mother was,"Let it be. I`m sure he`ll grow out of it." But he was gravely mistaken. My addiction went from bad to worse.

I could hear my mother calling me out for dinner for quite a number of times but it was like nothing more than just a mosquito buzz, annoying. She came up to my room and gave me a last warning to stop whatever I was doing and have dinner. It was a little bit more annoying that time. She came up to where I was sitting, reached out for the power plug and switched it off just like that. It was the very first time she had done that to me. I was so angry and frustrated that horns started growing out of my head. I pushed my mother down and started kicking her like she was my enemy. I grabbed her hair and started punching her. Her face started bleeding but it did not stop me. I became even more infuriated. I saw a penknife on my desk and took it. I was out of control. I started stabbing her in the stomach. She was screaming uncontrollably but I just did not care. Part of me was telling me to stop but most of me was outraged with exasperation. My father finally came into the scene and was abashed to what he had saw. He pulled me by the hair and punched hard right on my face. He pushed me away so hard that I was at the corner of the room.

I finally got a hold of myself but it was too late. I saw blood all over the floor and the police siren could be heard. The dispute between me and my mother was so loud that it got the neighbours worried. I started shivering and curled myself up like a drug addict thinking what the hell did I just do. The penknife was still in my bloody hands. I saw my mum lying there soullessly. I started crying like I`ve never cried before.

The police finally came in and my father pointed towards my direction without any hesitation or doubt. I knew that this was it. My life`s over. The police aggressively picked me up and arrested me. Just before I was about to go out from my room, I ran towards my mother and cried even louder. I rested my head towards her body and realised that she was already dead. I started wailing, "I`m SORRY! FORGIVE ME! I`m SORRY!" My father broke down and did not even turn to face me. He looked devastated and pushed me away.

Here I am now. Facing my death sentence all because of an addiction towards gaming. Not only did it lead to murdering my own mother, but it made me lose everything. Even my own life.

Meaning Behind A Song

Three Cheers For Five Years by Mayday Parade is a song that will always make me reminisce about a particular part of my life. The first time I ever heard this song was when I was 16. At that particular age, I met such a wonderful God`s creation. I fell in love with such a beautiful and gorgeous girl. Till today, I never thought that I could still have this heavy feelings for her. It`s not something that I can get rid of easily. It`s not that I don`t want to move on, I want to but I just can`t. Life`s complicated isn`t it. Here`s a story about this particular part of my life, back to where I was 16.

It was after school and I was at the canteen with my friends. I stood up from the place where we were sitting and decided to get myself a drink when suddenly, this really pretty, fair skinned, four eyed 5"2' girl with her hair tied up like a ponytail, caught my undivided attention. I froze for a moment there as she breezily walked away. "Woah," I thought. It was as if I was high on drugs and that girl was my heroine. When I finally snapped out of it, I saw my friends already walking off and I was the only one left who stood there. After that incident, I thought that I would never be able to see her again but I was wrong.

The second time I got to see her was then at Lot 1 shopping mall. My friends and I were at Long John Silver having our lunch and I saw her walking past right outside with a friend. It wasn`t just one time that she walked past but this time, as she walked past for quite a number of times, we were able to make eye contact! Being a 16 year old naive boy, I felt like I was the happiest guy on earth when she looked straight into my eyes. After having our lunch, I tried going after her. Not in a "trying to mug her" way but "trying to be as invincible as possible" way. She looked back and saw me again! This time, I wasn`t sure if she was smiling or laughing at me with her friend. She went up the escalator and the next thing I knew, she was out of my sight.

The third time I saw her was one of the best days of my life! It was after school hours again. My friends and I were on our way to the canteen. I was kind of out of my mind and decided to jump over the railings of the staircase. It wasn`t that high and scary so I did it. The moment I landed swiftly on my feet, there she was standing right in front of me looking a bit stunned. I looked into her eyes, she looked into mine. It wasn`t awkward at all for me, but I think it was for her.

"HI! Sorry by the way," I told her. There was a moment of silence for a while. My surroundings became empty except for the two of us and I could not hear anything except bells chiming. Nah, I`m just kidding. There wasn`t any bells chiming but it was definitely one of the happiest moment of my life. She just smiled and walked away. As we were going our opposite directions, I looked back and she did the same. We gave each other a decent smile. There was rather one thing I missed though, I was stupid enough not to ask what her name was.

As days go by, I found out that my best friend was contacting her behind my back. I got so pissed off and disappointed that my own best friend would do this to me. I stopped talking to him even though he sat next to me in class. He was nothing more than just an empty seat. But one thing I found out was her name. She has a really pretty name which fits everything that she is. Her name rhymes with banana and the first two syllables of her name is a fruit. At first I thought what kind of parents would give their child such a weird name, but then I thought it was unique and pretty like how she is.

One night right before I dozed off, I received a text message from an unknown number saying,"Hey Farhan. Don`t be angry at Harith. He feels really bad and he did nothing wrong. We`re just friends and nothing more. In fact, he has told me a lot about you. It`s me by the way."

My anger and disappointment towards Harith, my best friend, were suddenly gone. I wonder if it was just a dream as it was too good to be true. She gave me a text message when we didn`t even exchange our numbers. It was Harith who probably gave her my number but I still can`t believe he was the one who was contacting her in the first place when it should be me. Perhaps, Harith had thought that I was being to slow and decided to help me by giving me a head start.

I quickly replied her text message by thanking her for telling me the truth and help save my friendship with Harith. I had also asked if we could meet and walk to school together the following morning. I distinctively remembered her replying ,"Sure. Of course. :)" It was the very beginning of "us" but eventually, things didn`t last. Life, shit happens.

Till this very day, there were some regretful things I did to the both of us and also things I regret not doing. If only I could turn back the time to redo everything and make things right. Sometimes, I wish that none of this had never happened because all that is left now, are just sweet but painful memories. She was the only one I remember who calls me "Pak An", a sillier and definitely weirder term to call my name but I actually liked it.

People say "Time heals all wound" but not for me I suppose. Looks like healing my particular "wound" will take a really long time. There were actually times where we have a decent and casual conversation. But things aren`t the same. The conversation will die off just like that. I still remember that we`re supposed to go out in December 2010. She told me not to forget about it. It gave me a little bit of hope because who knows things might spark up again? I waited for that moment but unfortunately, it`s the year 2011 now and people tend to forget so all I could do was to just let it go.

Each time I listen to Three Cheers For Five Years by Mayday Parade, it reminds me of the moments when everything felt so right when I`m with her; both happy and sad moments. But all I`m left with to carry on are just memories. Nothing present, just the past.

My Memorable Childhood...

Sometimes, I wish I have the ability to turn back the time to the moment when I was still a kid. To be precise, perhaps back to a time when I was 7. Go back to primary school, study hard, play lots of sports, be a nerd and a jock at the same time or rather a smart jock, do well for PSLE and O Levels and actually go to Junior College. But simultaneously, I am just human who can never be perfect and I appreciate what Almighty God had planned how my life should be. Be it in the past or the future.

It`s obvious that growing up has its ups and downs. I grew up being really close friends with my neighbours. We had fun together, played a lot and even fought a lot. But I never expected growing up with them would present me with a "gift" of having a phobia. What kind of phobia exactly? Here`s how the story goes.

It was a fine Saturday and like any other typical kid who looks forward to every Saturdays, the first thing that came into my mind was to head to my Nana`s house to play. So I called Jack and asked him along. It wasn`t just the three of us kids at Nana`s house. There were her smaller sister, Diana and two of her cousins Adam and Mike.

"Bye mum! I`m going to be playing outside with my friends!" exclaimed Nana who just couldn`t wait to go outside even though we had no idea what kind of games we were going to play.

"So what shall we do today?" I asked.

Everyone looked at each other expecting someone to come up with a plan or at least a game to play with. I unwillingly and desperately suggested cycling to kill boredom but everyone willingly disagreed.

"What about Hide & Seek?" Jack suggested with a wide smile on his face.

Finally it was something we all agreed on. Adam and Mike was the one who were asked to seek and the rest of us hastily scattered like rats to find a place to hide. I decided to be barefooted and ran as fast I could but at the same, was trying to keep the sound of my footsteps as silent as possible.

We had quite a number of different hiding places to choose, the reason being that we`re playing the game on a HDB flat. I could hear Adam and Mike almost counting to 10 and I hardly found myself a hiding place. I was wondering how the rest of my friends found a place to hide so quickly.

"Perfect!" I exclaimed in my thoughts as I saw an empty cabinet along the corridor. To my surprise, the rest were in there as well. Jack grabbed my shirt and pulled me in aggressively as if he was trying to save me from some sort of danger. There was just a tiny string of light from outside entering the small cabinet with the four of us in it but I decided to shut it tight.

It was pitch black inside and the atmosphere started to become really stuffy and I could hardly breathe. It felt really crowded even though there were only the four of us inside the cabinet. It was so squeezy inside that I could not even move my body. I could feel only god knows what animals or insects crawling under and literally on my feet. I started sweating like a mad pig. My hair became drenched wet as if I was caught in the rain. My soccer shorts that I usually wear whenever I`m out to play was so wet that I was not sure if it was sweat or that I had peed on myself. Suddenly, footsteps could be heard coming fast from outside.

"Shhhhh! They`re coming. Be quiet," I whispered uneasily even though the rest were just being dead silent.

"Farhan! I know you`re in there. You can get out now!" hollered Adam from outside. It was as if he knew all along from the beginning that I was going to hide in that particular cabinet.

"How did you find me so fast? It hasn`t even been five minutes!" I complained. Adam just ignored me.

I felt a bit relieved when Adam found me because I just could not wait to finally get myself some air. I turned the door knob rapaciously but only to realise that I was stuck! I turned the door knob towards the opposite direction but it was such a setback. Nothing happened. I tried to keep myself calm but panic and consternation overcame me. I started to sweat even more that I could feel the floor getting wet. I tried barging the door open but being a skinny 4 feet tall kid that I was, it did not have even the slightest effect.

"ADAM HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I DON`T WANT TO DIE! I DON`T WANT TO DIE!" I wailed, feeling extremely petrified.

The more I panic, the more I started to lose my breath. I started seeing unexplained visions or rather illusions right in front of me. I knew at that point of time I was already on the verge of dying and it could be the last time I ever played Hide & Seek. I kept my head up and use whatever energy that was left in me to try and get myself out of this living dark suffocating hell. There were the four of us inside but it was just me putting in effort to get ourselves out and save our lives. I started becoming weak. My energy had all been drained out from all the unnecessary panic. The next thing I knew, my surroundings became a total darkness, even darker than where I was before.

When I woke up, I thought I had already died and I was in either heaven or most probably hell.

The first person that came popping into my sight was Adam. I realised that I was right outside the corridor cabinet that I was hiding in earlier on. I was lying there helplessly with the rest all surrounding me.

"I`m so glad you`re alright! You know we couldn`t find where the hell you were hiding at until we heard someone screaming for help. We`ve been looking for you for more than an hour. We heard someone screaming from this cabinet. Something was definitely wrong and knew it was you right away because we had already found the rest. We felt something was resisting when we tried opening the door. When we finally opened the door, you were alone and had already blacked out. Your face was really pale, as if you had seen a ghost," explained Adam.

I was so weak I just kept quiet but it did not take me long to digest whatever Adam had said. Was I really alone all the while I was in the cabinet? Who were the people I was inside with? I definitely felt their presence. Ultimately, who was the person who pulled me into the cabinet? Were those "people" inside the cabinet actually ghosts or were my friends just trying to play a prank on me?

I started becoming claustrophobic. Till today, I still rather have those questions unanswered. It is definitely the most distinct childhood memory I will be bringing on for the rest of my life.

My memorable childhood.